And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
