I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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