I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
