dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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