So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
