I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
