I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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