it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
