shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
