I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
