The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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