this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
