i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
