She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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