Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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