he was CRYING into my vagina
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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