We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
