gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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