Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
