My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
