Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
