my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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