this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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