I've blown a few things in my day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
