Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
