I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
