My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
