My first STD was from a foam party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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