Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
