Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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