I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
