The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
