Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
