I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
