I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
