I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
