Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
