Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
