My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
