So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
