I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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