I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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