why didn't you poke me back
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
