Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
