No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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