I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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