yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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