Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
