Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
