I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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