mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
