I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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