Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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