nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
