i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
